Saying the Wrong Thing Can Be an Opportunity to Grow

Did you say the wrong thing? I did.

Did you speak before you thought? I did.

Was that about a trigger?

How conscious are you when you speak? Do you think before you speak? I, obviously, sometimes, do not.

When I feel “threatened” (in other words, when people resist what I say and insist on having it their way), and especially if I run the risk of receiving something good from them (kindness, money, or a free something), I tend to move into defense mode – unconsciously.

I simply don’t notice (ignore?) the trigger.

When there is a chance that I might owe someone, my body-mind goes blank (sort of a black-out), and my mouth starts to babble without my consent.

This happened the other day when I had a free call with a potential client.

It was supposed to be a free call, an opportunity for a potential client and me to determine if what I offer is a good fit for that person. I turned it into a session because I, Eva, wanted to offer a sample of what my sessions are about. Again…on me…right? My choice…right?

Looking back at the situation, I can remember all of that hour except for after I said, “Nope, it's on me; it was my decision.” The (potential) client said, “I would feel better if I could pay for your time.”

So…I began analyzing why he would feel better if he paid for what amounted to a full session, after all. “Oh, so you mean it’s better that You feel better by paying than that I feel better by insisting on my offer? That’s all control, isn’t it?”

Well, you can figure out what happened next!

Here I am…a coach, helping others to set healthy boundaries…not disrespectful boundaries based on fear. I could have shown respect, gratitude, grace…kindness.

Instead, I fell into defense mode and reacted to an old fear: “Make sure you don’t owe anybody anything; there are no free lunches…stay even.”

In my story, my past, it was too dangerous to owe anybody anything. I had to be right…right? I can attempt to find all kinds of excuses for what I did, but I try to avoid that. Instead, I own my mistakes and recognize that I have room to improve.

For what was supposed to be a free call, I had to make sure I followed my rules regarding free calls…right? I had to avoid receiving something I felt could put me into debt…into what my past has taught me is a danger zone.

Does any of this sound familiar?

After years of experiencing sessions focused on Self and on what I can learn about my past triggers, I have found that the “waves of triggers” have subsided. Most are gone. However, I have moments – such as this one with the prospective client - when I’m unaware of being triggered.

As a result of my reacting to an old trigger, I lost the opportunity to help another family be free from anxiety, anger, and unwanted habits.

What’s the solution? How can I – we – avoid being unconsciously triggered?

The trick is to remember triggering situations, pay close attention to our body’s sensations, and realize in advance that we are moving into triggering territory.

When we are conscious and present in the moment, we are aware of our triggers, and we can stay grounded and respond the way we want to – with grace and respect.

Here is a perfect time to practice Stop. Drop. Check…and Choose!

Here is another reminder for me to walk my talk.

I can show you how somatic healing can help you become conscious of your less obvious triggers. If this sounds like something you would like to know more about... please contact me!